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Michelle, 17, was understandably upset. Sunburnt and close to tears, she rounded on her two friends. But neither Dave, nor the Beach Niteclub's foam cannon, could lure Lucy and Mags away from the impromptu stripteases, two dance floors and five bars of Newquay's Sailors Discotheque.
And if he doesn't, we'll jump his caravan at the end of the night. There are 1, guests at the Sunnyside Camping and Caravan Site just outside town, where Vicky and her friends are staying. It doesn't usually take too long. Five years ago Newquay was best known as the destination of choice for Saga holidaymakers, who relished the calm of a town exercised by nothing more controversial than Cornwall's ongoing row with Devon over whether to spread jam or cream first on the perfect scone.
Then the tide began to turn. Wetsuits came to town, and the creeping Californication of the coast spread even to the name of the local radio station, Malibu FM. Locals divide the tourists into three camps; the old surfers, who long ago dedicated their lives to surfing and spend their days chasing surf from country to country, beach to beach.
These are welcome for old times' sake. Then there are the new surfers, the moneyed and most-welcome group, made up of doctors, lawyers and city folk who, freshly converted to the scene, strap their expensive boards to their sports utility vehicles up to four times a year to make the journey to the South West.
The third category - the fake surfers - cause most controversy; despite having little or no interest in surfing, these young men and women associate the sport with sex and glamour and have appropriated it in their hunt for romance. Hailey Jayne, 18, and her friend, Sarah George, have travelled from Newcastle to find a nice pair of surfer boys.
Neither has ever been surfing, although both would give it a try if some nice, young man would be prepared to teach them. Despite a special trip last week to the new Billabong shop in Glasgow to pick out a surfing wardrobe, Hailey has decided her top is not suitably authentic. In the Fat Face tent on the Fistral Beach she pulls a tight blue top from the rail with a zip from neck to navel and begins to quietly discuss its cleavage potential with Sarah.
Ed, the salesman, scents a sale and homes in. They look blank and slightly panicked. All the best surfers are buying that brand. Later that night, as flashing neon replaces the sun and the smell of beer and testosterone overpowers suntan lotion and metallic body paint, year-old Mike Grant, has no doubt which surfing group he and his mates belong to: Girls have the upper hand in the town.
A ratio of about six boys to every girl ensures them the cream of the crop and Hailey, in her new top, has found herself very popular. But it's a mystery; we've searched all over the town and haven't found anywhere that looks like a genuine surfer spot. Richard Carter, a bone fide surfer who moved to Newquay seven years ago to be closer to the sea, said: The boys walk around wearing branded gear that has clearly never seen a beach and carrying the shortest boards because they think they're the coolest ones.
They don't realise that that's like a learner driver buying a Formula One car. For these boys, it is simply an accessory to attract the girls who travel down in search of surfers; it's their chat-up line. Martin Robertson, who was bought up in Newquay, added: They come looking for surfers because, let's face it, we're fit as hell, but they don't realise that real surfers are busy in the daytime, looking for the surf, and busy at night with our own girls - real surfer chicks who are more fun because they understand the scene.
Friday was a terrible day for British surfers. Spencer Hargraves was humiliatingly knocked out of the Rip Curl surf festival, and Joel Dan faced a fine and possible ban for non-attendance. That left just three of the record 25 British surfers to reach the semi-finals with a chance to win the final round.
Topics UK news The Observer./p>
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